Can anyone please help me review this journal entry my sister wrote?

Need help correcting a journal entry my sister wrote yesterday and i thought someone could review and correct the journal entry she wrote and help me teach her how to improve her writing. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. Also this isnt exactly a journal entry its just work my mom told my sister to do so she can improve on her writing so don't tell me not to read her journal =[



Today is Sunday, June 28,2009. My family and i stayed home. My sister is going to work at seven p.m. when i wok up my om was cooking dinner the whole day because its my dad's birthday. Actually its my dad's real birthday was on June 6, and this is the second time we're celebrating his birthday. I know its weird that he has two birthdays but my mom said he has three birthdays this year. One birthday is his real birthday and the other two birthdays are his chinese birthday. At six o' clock p.m. my mom was finish making dinner my brother and i had to set the table, while my sister went somewhere. Before we ate dinner my sister came home with her boyfriend. After dinner my sister got out an ice cream cake out of the freezer for my dad. The ice cream cae was from baskin Robbins, and it was a two layer ice cream cake. The top layer was vanilla ice cream and the bottom layer was chocolate brownies. when everyone was done eating and my sister went to work. I had to clean the table and my brother had to wash the dishes.



I'd also appreciate it if you could tell me how well this journal entry was written from a scale of 1-10 1 being the worst and 10 being the best =]Can anyone please help me review this journal entry my sister wrote?
She needs to stop txt language and use puncuation more. This will get her work to be more realistic and professional.

My corrected version of hers below----I'd say 7/10



Sunday, June 28,2009.



My family and I stayed home. My sister is going to work at seven p.m.. When I woke up my mother was cooking the whole day because it is my dad's birthday. Actually its my dad's real birthday was on June 6, and this is the second time we're celebrating his birthday.



I know its weird that he has two birthdays but my mom said he has three birthdays this year. One birthday is his real birthday and the other two birthdays are his Chinese birthday. At six p.m. my mother finished cooking. My brother and I had to set the table, while my sister went elsewhere. Before we ate dinner my sister came home with her boyfriend.



After dinner my sister got an ice cream cake out of the freezer for my dad. The ice cream cake was from Baskin Robbins, and it was a two layer ice cream cake. The top layer was Vanilla ice cream and the bottom layer was a chocolate brownies flavour. When everyone was done eating, my sister went to work. I had to clean the table and my brother had to wash the dishes.